I met the friendliest cop last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
