i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
