Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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