She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
