he wants to bone in the snuggie
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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