Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize