It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
