I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
