Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
