i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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