i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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