Come see our sink grown plant.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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