i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
