It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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