I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
