just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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