if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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