Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
