Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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