absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
