I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
