I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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