U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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