In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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