I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
