i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
