Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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