My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
