I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
