I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want a musical about memes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
