You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
