Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
