i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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