Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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