I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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