If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
