walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
