Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize