I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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