This is not my ceiling
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
