you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
