funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
