My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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