but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize