I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Randomize
