i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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