That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
