i would punch a child for taco bell
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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