Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
