I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
