She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
