the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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