Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
