I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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