Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
