Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
