I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
