That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
