tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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