Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
