i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
