I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
only you would photoshop your dick
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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