If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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