Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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