i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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