Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
