omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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