worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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