Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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