Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
