I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
